23 January, 2006

Oh College!

In other news, the continuing dumbing down of the American masses is now affecting those idiots that pursue higher education, as according to this new study over half of students at 4-year colleges and 75% at 2-year colleges would fail miserable as functioning human beings once released into the wild. The almost 2,000 students tested at colleges around the country failed at basic skills such as balancing a checkbook, figuring out how much gas they would have to get to a service station in case of emergency, locating their ass on a map and remembering to breath every once in a while so as to keep the organism alive.

Without "proficient" skills, or those needed to perform more complex tasks, students fall behind. They cannot interpret a table about exercise and blood pressure, understand the arguments of newspaper editorials, compare credit card offers with different interest rates and annual fees or summarize results of a survey about parental involvement in school.
Studies like these, of course, freak me the fuck out. It makes me wonder if they only interviewed stupid people, or just went to colleges (Florida State! yeah! Indian U! woohoo!) were kids go to drink and pick up veneral diseases and not learn. Or perhaps, maybe they only examined communications majors (I hope). Whatever caused this study to come out the way it did, Im sure Chinese and Indian students are cheering loudly (cause it means, of course, that eventually all those stooopid American college students, what with their lack of basic breathing skills, will pass out and die, leaving more educational and job opportunities for them).

1 comment:

vergueishon said...

I wonder how our generation of college students compares with previous ones? Either way, some of these findings should warrants big "duhs" from the reader. I mean, how's average schmoe college student to learn about a car's gas-consumption, applying for a credit card and summarizing a study on parental involvement in school when so many rely on mommy and daddy's mulah to either go bar/club hopping on the weekend (and weeknights, if they even leave the apartment/dorm) or pay the bills (thus the lack of credit card know-how). My two-cents is, give a kid monetary accountability and the rest is history. As far as the parental involvement goes, my guess is they haven't even thought about kids what with all the studying and working, not to mention the foggy haze that may hover about their daily existence.